NO EXCUSES

So much of this year has been about getting back on track with taking care of myself and fostering my interests. Although college can be a time of great growth, it can also become totally overwhelming and pull one’s attention away from other important areas in life. Looking back on my experience in college, I can see how I neglected to build a solid foundation of self-love and care I could return to in times of stress. I put taking care of and appreciating myself last so I could get ahead, giving into the demands of constant worry and fear. The result is something I am still cleaning up to this day.

When I graduated in May, I thought it would be easy to get on top of these things. I would have more time for myself and I could finally pursue what’s truly important to me. However, life quickly challenged that notion, introducing me to the reality of the working world and adulthood. Although I half expected this to happen, I was still surprised and annoyed when it did. I guess I figured wishful thinking and denial could postpone adulthood while I got my sh*t together. But life continued to get busier and I kept making excuses to justify why I was waiting until after the stress ended to be happy and healthy. Read More

Peace

I have a habit of getting ahead of myself. I think of it as a coping mechanism for feeling behind. When I see the success of other people, I don’t normally feel jealously. Instead, I feel rushed. For a brief moment, I believe that if I rush the doing, it will lead to quicker achieving and I, too could be like my successful counterparts. Although I know this is hardly ever the case, I get wrapped up in it and create anxiety for myself. It isn’t until I step back far enough, do I realize how ineffective this is. To see the haphazard efforts, to feel the anxiety pouring through the doing, and to know that it created nothing but stress is profoundly eyeopening.

I guess we are all just trying to find purpose in the world, some harder than others, and when we don’t see that happening, we feel we have failed ourselves. We see life as this finite entity that needs to be manipulated and forced into something worthwhile to put us in a “better,” more successful place. We take for granted the focused process of achieving a goal, the stepping stones that line up perfectly in time, and the enjoyment of just being alive here and now.

Every time I go through a major transition in my life or suffer some sort of loss of identity, I come back to this. I come back to the realization that this, right now, is all we will ever have. Tomorrow is an idea, the past is a memory. Everything that is important is happening right now and is as it is. Accepting this is incredibly liberating. It forges a path for true creativity, strength, and gratitude. It opens a gate through which only the brave walk through. Read More

Scratch the Itch

One of the biggest difficulties I have with finding success in my personal interests is staying in one lane for long enough to see any results. I have interests all over the place so when I go about pursing my dreams, I often picture a small, very excitable child running wild in the yard and I get scared. I’m literally excited by everything and not everybody appreciates that. Instead of embracing this, I normally minimize it to fit in. The challenge has been learning to accept this as a strength and an invitation to enjoy life rather than a reason to beat myself up over not being “dedicated enough” to a specific hobby or craft. Call it instability, but I’m slowly starting to see it as a unique opportunity to experience life at its fullest potential. WATCH OUT: The world is my candy store.

For me, writing has always been the unifying factor holding together all of these wild interests, from fashion to travel to music and everything else in between. It only makes sense that I’d want to be a blogger but about what has often eluded me. I mean seriously, how could you choose? Life is too cool to put into boxes. Read More

Forcing It

It’s quiet. A subtle presence has returned and everything that seemed unclear before now makes perfect sense. It’s Fall. Trees self destruct, shedding their leaves without worry just like I shed the disappointments of my past. I love this time of year.

I can never quite explain why I love Fall so much but how I feel emotionally during this season has a lot to do with it. Despite the fact that everything outside is dying, I feel new. It’s like a fresh start where what is truly important in my life is made obviously clear. This is all on top of the fact that it’s the unofficial kickoff to the holiday season, the coziest time of year, and the perfect time to buy new clothes.

This season has been interesting thus far. It’s my first Fall out of school and the lack of structured guidance has left me unstable. This is the first time in my life where the next step is not laid out for me and it’s… weird. Sometimes I look back on my time in school and wish I still had the same confidence and sense of direction without all the headaches that come along with getting a degree. Read More

Pink “What A Melon” Beginnings

Hey there!

My name is Shawna and I am a singer/songwriter from Pennsylvania, finally taking that leap of faith into the music industry. Welcome to my website. It’s so good to have you here!

To give you some background about me: I started writing songs shortly after the Jonas Brothers covered “Year 3000″… so I had to be about 12. I had this pink Blow Pop “What A Melon” notebook that I “hacked” into a songwriting journal by flipping the cover around and fishing it back through the spirals. I wrote “Shawna’s Songs” down the front in capital letters and autographed it in red pen a few times. I still have it; it’s a relic.

My “What A Melon” notebook was the beginning of my love for writing. As elementary (and embarrassing) as those lyrics may be looking back, they taught me the value of expression. They captured the sheer joy of experiencing inspiration that I have learned to long for well into my adult years. That “What A Melon” notebook, although overlooked and misunderstood at the time, set the foundation for a passion I cannot escape although life has tried to rip it out of me. Read More