I have a habit of getting ahead of myself. I think of it as a coping mechanism for feeling behind. When I see the success of other people, I don’t normally feel jealously. Instead, I feel rushed. For a brief moment, I believe that if I rush the doing, it will lead to quicker achieving and I, too could be like my successful counterparts. Although I know this is hardly ever the case, I get wrapped up in it and create anxiety for myself. It isn’t until I step back far enough, do I realize how ineffective this is. To see the haphazard efforts, to feel the anxiety pouring through the doing, and to know that it created nothing but stress is profoundly eyeopening.
I guess we are all just trying to find purpose in the world, some harder than others, and when we don’t see that happening, we feel we have failed ourselves. We see life as this finite entity that needs to be manipulated and forced into something worthwhile to put us in a “better,” more successful place. We take for granted the focused process of achieving a goal, the stepping stones that line up perfectly in time, and the enjoyment of just being alive here and now.
Every time I go through a major transition in my life or suffer some sort of loss of identity, I come back to this. I come back to the realization that this, right now, is all we will ever have. Tomorrow is an idea, the past is a memory. Everything that is important is happening right now and is as it is. Accepting this is incredibly liberating. It forges a path for true creativity, strength, and gratitude. It opens a gate through which only the brave walk through. Continue reading “Peace”