Scratch the Itch

One of the biggest difficulties I have with finding success in my personal interests is staying in one lane for long enough to see any results. I have interests all over the place so when I go about pursing my dreams, I often picture a small, very excitable child running wild in the yard and I get scared. I’m literally excited by everything and not everybody appreciates that. Instead of embracing this, I normally minimize it to fit in. The challenge has been learning to accept this as a strength and an invitation to enjoy life rather than a reason to beat myself up over not being “dedicated enough” to a specific hobby or craft. Call it instability, but I’m slowly starting to see it as a unique opportunity to experience life at its fullest potential. WATCH OUT: The world is my candy store.

For me, writing has always been the unifying factor holding together all of these wild interests, from fashion to travel to music and everything else in between. It only makes sense that I’d want to be a blogger but about what has often eluded me. I mean seriously, how could you choose? Life is too cool to put into boxes. Read More

Doubts

Doubt is beyond fear. It’s declaring defeat before there is even any proof of demise. It is giving up before there is a reason to. It’s what settles in after the fearlessness has worn off and the jets of ambition cool down. It’s the voice in your head that says “you aren’t good enough and even though you’re willing to take the risk and face your fears, it won’t be worth it.” Fear can be a great motivator, or so a voice teacher once told me while I crammed for a performance of “I’ll Stand By You” by the Pretenders one week before. Looking back, I was fearful then, not doubtful. I knew I could do it but I was scared of being underprepared so I practiced a little extra. It’s doubt, not fear, that stops you. This was one of my first and last solo performances of that nature.

Doubt is what kept me in the clutches of security, following a cleanly trimmed path of plain old Americana practicality. I went to college, got a degree, and graduated like you’re supposed. And don’t get me wrong, I’m really happy I did. I loved college and I’m pleased with the career path I’m currently on. College was the experience I needed to understand more about myself and the world around me. But doubt made sure there was always something missing: the college experience I wanted in NYC, gigs in bars and coffee shops, music classes I wanted to take, and dreams I stowed away doubting they could ever come true, among many other omissions. Read More